Tag Archives: Pizza

Eating Shitty Feels Shitty

So… remember how I said I would allow myself to indulge a little bit this weekend? Yeah, well, things got a little craycray and I ended up feasting as if this was my last weekend on earth.

Okay, not really, but kind of. Saturday my friend and I ate Laduree macaroons, aka a slice of God’s face, and for dinner we had the most delicious Basque meal, and I took a picture but I think it would be counterproductive to post it here, so just imagine a steaming dish of layered potatoes, ham, cheese, veal, cream, and pretty much everything in the world that your greedy little eyes desire. It blew my fucking brain, and later, it blew my fucking stomach and I kind of regretted it. But not really because it was delicious.

Follow that by a bag of sour gummy worms at the movie theater… WHY? I DON’T KNOW, because it “felt right” until all of a sudden it didn’t. My friend and I were stomach-aching all night long.

Sunday I told myself, today, I will be good. So I woke up and ate a bunch of potato chips and the rest of my candy as an appetizer to the eggs my friend and I were making for our “brunch”. I didn’t eat for the rest of the day because I felt like shit, naturally, until dinner time, when a different friend and I met up and had Indian food. LORD almighty.

(In my defense, I did run on both days!… Okay, yeah, thats a sad attempt at redeeming myself, but hey, it helped me sleep last night. Kind of. My stomach ache kept me up too much to be able to sleep.)

It is now Monday morning, and I am choosing actively to not feel any emotional regret or anxiety for this weekend, because I think I needed to go out and spend some fun, indulgent time with friends since I’m often cooped up here at home during the week, festering in my own loneliness. This weekend restored me in so many ways, and for that, I can never feel any remorse.

However, I do want to point out, mostly for my own sake but if you profit from this too, then the world is just a little bit better: Eating shitty makes you feel shitty. Eating well makes you feel well.

Why is this so hard for so many of us to grasp?

Eating shitty makes you feel shitty.

Eating well makes you feel well.

Do you ever remember a time when you ate too much, or ate something too rich, or too unhealthy? Sure you do because we’ve all been there. How did you feel afterwards? Did that fatty super grande burrito make you feel alive? Did the fast food make you feel smart, capable, and happy? Did that pizza make you feel like you could properly do your work or homework or any task at the best of your abilities? Fuck no!

On the other hand, whenever you’ve chosen the healthy option… a proper salad, some quinoa, salmon, etc… You knew you were at the top of your game. Life was your bitch and you were taking that shit for a damn walk in the park.

This morning, I feel kind of like I’m the little bitch getting walked. Last week, I was kicking ass, felt light, lean, and healthy, and my body functioned in the way I wanted it to. This coming week, I’m going to bring that energy back, because this stomach ache right now is really lame.

I need to remember this next time I’m stuffing my face… It just doesn’t feel good!! It tastes good, duh, but that goes away and all that remains is the grumbling in your stomach and the farts out your ass, and lets be honest here, who actually craves that?

***

Anyone that consistently eats healthy can attest to this mild little phenomenon which I like to describe as “clarity”… It’s when your brain, your body, your soul just feel clear, they feel centered, they feel whole and you feel like the best version of yourself that you always hoped you could be. If you’ve lived your whole life eating unhealthy then you won’t know what this feels like, but give yourself even a few days of healthier choices and you’ll already start to see the difference.

I had a friend who lived off of McDonalds and frozen pizza pretty much every day, and even though his diet and kitchen skills were merde (“shit” in French, in case you didn’t know), he was still fit and thin and he played tons of sports, which probably helped ease his guilt about his food choices. I weaseled my way into his life and convinced him to start eating healthier because it would improve his basketball game, and he reluctantly agreed, and, well, long story short: months later, after I had been ranting and raving about this “clarity” that he would feel if he ate better, he came to me one day and said, “I get it know.” He hadn’t eaten fast food or soda in a few months, and he had been slowly adding more greens, more lean protein, more water, and more fruit to his diet. Since his changes were slow (i.e. starting by just swapping one soda a day for a glass of water, until over a few weeks, he was barely drinking soda at all), he was able to really make true lifestyle changes that would stick with him, instead of reaching a burnout and falling back into his old ways. He said he finally understood that clarity that I always spoke about, and he couldn’t believe he had lived his whole life without it. Indeed, his basketball improved, his energy was up, he felt happier, quicker on his feet, his mind was sharper, and he hadn’t felt his stomach aches in months (he had learned over a lifetime of poor nutrition that stomach aches were just a normal part of eating). I want to convert more people to the dark side! Eating right just FEELS right, and when you start doing it, you’ll understand.

Moral of the story: Stop eating shitty shit, because you’ll just feel like shit!

A few quotes I like to remember:

“You are what you eat.”

and

“Eat like you give a fuck.”

The end. Now go eat a fucking apple.

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Overcoming the Dinner Hurdle

I may have touched on this a bit before, but since I’m an au pair and I live with a host family who provides my food for me, I’m often at the mercy of whatever is available or made for me as my only option for food. My host mom is an amazing cook (she always says she would have loved to be a chef/restaurant owner in another life) and I am lucky to be surrounded by such tasty meals all the time. The thing is, as is the case with most gourmet eating, the emphasis is mostly on flavor and not so much on nutrition or health, and this is especially true in France, where people eat for pleasure above all else. Typical French cuisine consists of copious amounts of red meat, butter, creme fraiche, cheese, bread, and wine and I’m really starting to understand why people are so constantly blown away by this so called “French Paradox”… despite this insanely unhealthy diet, French people are not generally overweight! Now, I don’t know the stats on heart health in this country, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find that the numbers are not so pretty. French people insist that they are healthy, but I just think thats bullshit, to be perfectly honest. I think they smoke enough cigarettes to keep their appetites at bay and they probably walk enough in a day to reduce the obvious effects of the food they put into their bodies, but still, their diets are pleasure and flavor based, and thats it. I mean, they do know how to enjoy “the finer things in life”, thats for sure.

Anyway, tangent. My host mom is an amazing cook, and in general her cooking is healthy enough (and incredibly tasty), but considering my “dietary needs” (cholesterol, which she knows about) and my general desire to lose a few of the pounds I’ve gained since coming here, I feel like things could be quite a bit healthier. Its tough, though, to make special requests in a culture and in a family that values food in such a sensory and emotional way, so I’m just trying to find my balance… allowing myself to enjoy and partake in meal times like any other member of the family, while mentally setting limits for myself and making small efforts here and there to improve my meal in a way that works best for me. It’s really not easy, and I struggle with it every single night. But every dinner time, I hope it will be a little easier than the night before.

Tonight was one of these typical struggles for me, and I am proud of myself for being strong enough tonight to set a few small, but symbolic limits for myself. Dinner was homemade pizza tonight (thin flaky crust, pasta sauce, cheese, sausage, chorizo, ham, tomato), which is incredibly hard to resist, of course, because its pizza and who the hell doesn’t love pizza? I had one slice (about the size of two small slices) and I filled up the rest of my plate (and my stomach) with green beans and lots of water. When I was offered a second slice, I immediately felt the guilt I always feel in refusing food from my host mom, so I initially said “yes, but just a small one”, and as she was cutting the pizza, I sat there and momentarily thought about why I was accepting another slice, I asked myself if it was worth it for my body and my heart to eat that, and I wondered if I would be strong enough to change my mind and eat more greens instead. To be honest, I thought about this blog a lot, and of those small handful of followers I already have, and of the promise I made a few posts back to be honest with myself and with you, and I knew I wouldn’t want to come here defeated. So I politely said I had changed my mind because I realized I had eaten enough, and alas, I said no to more pizza, and that, my friends, is a miracle.

For the second course (since there is always a second, and often third or fourth course here in France), I had a plain yogurt along with the girls (they added sugar or preserves to theirs but I opted out and I’m proud of that!), and I again said no to dessert! Another miracle.

Maybe the pizza was not the best thing in the world for me, but I think I handled it as well as I could by filling up on fiber-full greens (fiber helps keep you full!) and getting some decent protein and calcium from the plain yogurt as my “dessert”.

This is the type of hurdle I have to learn to overcome, and every day is an opportunity for me to learn just a little bit more, about my own ability to assert some type of control over my health, even when it is mostly outside of my control. As I said before… “If it is important to you, you’ll find a way…”

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