Welp, There I Go Again…

So I guess this is how things work out for me… I have one fabulous day (yesterday) and, as if to maintain the natural order of things, I find myself today way too full and way too unhappy about it. Snack time consisted of a some nuts and an all-natural granola bar… not bad, right? Then I thought, “Hmm, maybe my body needs fiber…” so I ate a bunch of prunes, because “my body might need it.” Then, since I thought I was still hungry (I probably was just thirsty) or because I thought I hadn’t had enough vitamins for the day, I ate an orange. Still, healthy choices at least. And then, as I seem to do quite often, I started worrying that dinner tonight with my host family would not have enough protein or whatever other nutrients I thought I might need (this is all just my own rationalization to reduce my guilt about eating more more more before dinner) so I convinced myself that a yogurt, apricot preserves, and some granola would be just the thing. So I ate that too.

Now, I realize that all my choices have been fine as far as quality goes (oatmeal for breakfast, quinoa, veggies and avocado for lunch, fruits all day long, etc), but its the quantity that has me feeling full and embarrassed. To be honest, I wasn’t even hungry any more after the granola bar, but something inside of me just kept rationalizing more snacks, and “since they’re healthy, its okay to overeat, right?” I don’t know why I always find little excuses to do what I always do, but these habits need to stop. These little snack binges, no matter how healthy they are, ultimately are getting in the way of me seeing actual changes in my body. Like, for example, my pants not being tight. Why is it so easy to slip up from one day to the next? Did I (without realizing) exhaust all my willpower yesterday and am I in a deficit today? Is it because I lazied my way out of exercising this morning that I caved in a moment of weakness in the afternoon?

I need to figure out how to break these habits. I’m thankful that I have learned to at least eat mostly pretty healthy, even when I am “binging”, but its not just what I eat – its the lack of self control that really affects how I feel about myself. Or, perhaps, is it how I feel about myself that prompts these far-too-frequent snack binges?

TOO MANY QUESTIONS.

At the end of the day, losing weight is a numbers game. Calories in, calories out. Surely it’s not so simple – 500 calories of spinach is not the same thing as 500 calories of chips. And in that regard, I’d rather be binging on fruits and nuts than on chips and cookies (don’t worry, I do that too), but in the end, I need to learn self-control, so that food does not consume or define me. I want to remember days like yesterday, when food liberated me and I felt strong. And I want to minimize days like today, when I forget everything I have ever learned and lose myself along the way.

BUT HOW?

Does anyone out there have any CONCRETE tips or experiences to share? Encouragement is great. I love hearing “You got this!” “You’re strong and beautiful!” “Oh man, I know, I’ve been there. But every day is a new day!”… All of that is lovely. But days like today, all I want is practical advice. Like “don’t buy granola” (I wouldn’t if I had that freedom but I live in a kitchen that is not my own and the temptations of French indulgent eating are around me at all times) or “brush your teeth after eating” (I’ve tried this, with mixed results. If the binge is coming, the flavor of mint in my mouth won’t stop it).

So, I ask, in mild desperation… what can I do to gain more self control??

If you have the magic answer, please don’t be shy to share. I need it.

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5 thoughts on “Welp, There I Go Again…

  1. I definitely understand what you are going through here, and when I commented last time on one of your other posts I told you I have learned to free my self of some of this stuff. You asked more for any suggestions and this got me thinking. So I wrote a blog post about it. It scratches the surface but it may help some…I would love your thoughts. I have been where you are at and it can be tough.

    • Thank you SO much for taking the time to think about and write about this. I can’t wait to check it out on your blog! I think I have a lot to learn from you, and I’m thankful for that. 🙂 Thanks for reading!!!

  2. amandaleighf says:

    Ugh. I totally get it. Hear you. Right there with you!

    • Glad to know I’m not alone! Sometimes I feel so isolated in this bad romance with food, but I have to remind myself that there must be someone else out there who gets it. Glad you do, and glad we can support each other through it!

  3. Cat says:

    The magic secret is this – EVERYONE falters. Everyone binges. Even those gorgeous fitness models. It doesn’t mean you don’t have any self control. It means you tripped. Hop right back up onto your feet, just like a burpee! Quick as you can. Expect the bumps in the road. Expect to fail. If you aren’t failing, then your goals, well, SUCK. Your goals aren’t stretching you if you aren’t failing. If you attacked the cookies, it means you and your body are out of your comfort zone. KEEP GOING. Read that post about your great vegan day or the weekend where you traveled — you will have more of those days! It is NOT all-or-nothing. One cookie binge will not keep you from your goals – but YOU might. Don’t overthink it. One workout won’t make a difference in achieving your goals – nor will one cookie binge. Systematic, repeated, healthy behaviors (weights, diet, sleep, water, the whole trifecta shuhbang) over a LONG period of time will get you where you want to go. It sucks – because “just one little cookie won’t make a difference” is true, but, conversely, so it is that one little workout or one little day of healthy habits doesn’t make a difference either. I think that’s what people mean when they say “it’s a lifestyle.” Don’t beat yourself up, pop back up and get back on that horse. Remember that it means nothing. You were probably trying to fill a void with the binge. By binging when you experienced stress, you conditioned your body and mind to crave binging when you experience that stress – next time, be present and catch it when you have a stressful conversation with family or whatever – and teach your body and mind a new coping mechanism – journaling about how it makes you feel, or venting to someone who will listen, or (this is what I do) put on TV to take your mind off it completely for 30 min to an hour, and then returning to the feelings with a fresh perspective after you’ve cooled off and given your mind a break.

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