Doomed

How do some people make it look so easy?? They’re like, “I woke up one morning and was fed up with blah blah blah, and I just decided to make a change! I worked hard for it, and now look at how great I am.”

This is so bullshitty to me. I’ve woken up plenty of mornings and been like, “I’m done with this crap, I’m making a change” and guess what… NOTHING EVER CHANGES.

Is it really that simple? Can regular people with struggles with motivation, willpower, and self control actually achieve the same successful changes that other, more driven, organized, and gritty people can? Do they think about it as much as I do? Do they feel consumed by their struggles, sometimes even doomed by them, as much as I do?  I often feel like I’m forever going to be excluded from the successful people category because of my type-b personality. I’m too lax, too lazy, too disorganized, and too distracted to ever be one of those people that forever changes their life for the better. At least thats what I always end up thinking to myself. Whenever I see a before-and-after picture like this one I recently posted, I am filled with two opposing emotions: an overwhelming sensation of “If she can do it, I can too!” and an equally overwhelming thought, “…but her personality is probably way better suited for change than mine. She’s probably much more intense, much more strict, and much more of a perfectionist than I am. Maybe I’ll never be like her because maybe I can’t. Maybe my personality will never allow me to be.”

And yet, I have had moments of success in my health and fitness… I’ve managed to lose weight and get fit quickly several times, but none of those changes have ever lasted. I just always question if I’m cut out for that type of change, enough to make it last for good, or if maybe I’m destined to be a forever-fluctuator, always wishing, trying, and maybe succeeding momentarily, and then crashing and burning, only to start all over again. Is this my fate?

If not, when will it end? 

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